Forgive me….this is one of those rambling posts that sometimes arises with a certain level of discontentment.
When you go through a life changing events such as a divorce, the hope is that you learn and grow from the experience.
Having gone through two divorces (although the second is not quite complete) I like to think I have learned a hell of a lot.
At the risk of sounding ‘hippy and spiritual’ about this, the truth is……I am actually feeling pretty ‘hippy and spiritual’ lately.
I’ve spoken recently about feeling like I’ve finally woken up from living a life that wasn’t the right one.
I think I’d been on that path for a while so to finally awaken and see a future full of possibilities is a pretty amazing thing.
So you may ask, ‘why the discontentment’?
The thing is with this ‘awakening’ business, is that is makes you hungry for everything you finally realise you want in your life.
Your senses feel heightened because your soul has been awakened to the vast possibilities that are sitting there right in front of you and have been all along.
You realise that whatever life you were living before was a drop in the ocean compared to what you are capable of experiencing.
Suddenly, you want each day to count.
You want adventure in every corner that you turn.
You want to meet new people, share new experiences and accomplish things you’ve only ever dreamed of.
You want to touch people’s lives and make a difference.
You want to feel all-consuming passion and the truest love that you’ve never felt before.
A life not lived to its’ full potential seems unthinkable and settling for a love that is anything but sincere, true but intoxicating at the same time….unfathomable.
After giving yourself a lifetime of excuses for not living the life you deserve, all of a sudden, you know the only thing stopping you from living it……is you.
This makes you impatient.
It makes you eager and keen to make the most of every single day and every minute of every day.
Which is obviously a good thing, right?
In fact, discontentment is completely the wrong word for what I’m feeling.
The right word is restlessness.
I am restless to see, taste, smell and sense each new adventure that awaits, however small, however big….whatever, wherever and whoever it may be.
It could be choosing to walk down a road I’ve never been down before or venturing into a shop I’ve passed a million times but never entered.
It could be getting on my bike and cycling along the river on a summer’s evening.
It could be stealing an unexpected conversation with a stranger that makes me smile for the rest of the day or a stolen hour in a tea shop I’ve always wanted to go in but for some reason, never have.
Or it may be starting on my travel plans by booking that much lusted for trip to Rome (which has now been done).
And I’m not waiting around for the right person to do it with or the right time to do it….I’m just doing it.
My aim in life now feels very simple; to enjoy every single moment of every single day……
in the most wonderful kind of way.